Friday, November 30, 2007

Google THIS.

So PBW wants to know who my dream publicist would be (check comments here for full conversation on topic). You the unlikely case that I'll ever need a publicist at all.

Tom Welling or Josh Holloway? Tom Colicchio or Michael Kors? (Barb suggests Jensen Ackles, but that would never work. Brain-melting lust is detrimental to a solid working relationship. Plus I'd asphyxiate myself by feeling compelled to keep my little Buddha-belly sucked back against my tailbone at all times while in his presence. Blue-in-the-face STILL isn't a good look for me.)

Any publicist of mine would need nerves of steel, a strong stomach, and the ability to chuckle through all manner of adversity. And he or she would have to find a way to impart a little class to this operation. Not an easy mission when the following Google search terms lead straight to my door:

"smut writers" - (You rang? And hey…top of the page! Mom would be so proud.)

"high school stereotypes" - (Started out as The Brain. Ended up as The Slut. Shit happens.)

"three holes, no waiting" - (Not yet, but I'm not ruling it out. In my FICTION, people. Jeez.)

"does anal sex sell at ellora's cave" - (You bet your seven-speed vibrating butt-plug it does, darlin'.)

I dunno why, but when I try to envision my perfect publicist, I hear this voice in my head: "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Hmm. Smart, loyal, brave, good with a weapon, not afraid to get down and dirty when the circumstance calls for it.

Yeah. He'll do. - Romance of Dubious Virtue


Blogger Barbara Caridad Ferrer said...

And don't forget ambidextrous.

11/30/2007 9:12 AM  
Blogger Eva Gale said...


My search terms are all so BORING in comparison.

I need to start posting on ambidextrous vibrating anal pluggers with ... ticklers.

Yeah, that ought to do it.

11/30/2007 10:43 AM  
Blogger Lynn Viehl said...

I love you. Perfect.

"I swear on the soul of my father, Domingo Montoya, you will reach the top alive."

11/30/2007 10:46 AM  
Blogger Tate said...

I think Sawyer fits your description perfectly. Alas, he's mine.

11/30/2007 1:02 PM  
Blogger Zeek said...

"(You bet your seven-speed vibrating butt-plug it does, darlin'.)"


Thanks to my Lora Leigh reviews,the mentioning of Gabaldon's spanking scene as well as margarine as anal lube from Last Tango in Paris- I get some very interesting search terms as well!!

"Tom Welling or Josh Holloway? Tom Colicchio or Michael Kors? (Barb suggests Jensen Ackles ..."

I see you have EXCELLENT taste in tv viewing- I know who all of those fine men are too! Although I wouldn't consider Kors among the sexier.

11/30/2007 1:20 PM  
Blogger Eva Gale said...

The voice of Inigo is great-just not Mandy.

11/30/2007 3:02 PM  
Blogger Eva Gale said...

At least not in comparison with Ackles.

11/30/2007 3:02 PM  
Blogger Zeek said...

ahh eff me, I love The Princess Bride.

11/30/2007 3:08 PM  
Blogger Eva Gale said...

Yeah, me too.

I think I need to watch it tonight with some popcorn.

11/30/2007 7:52 PM  
Blogger Kate R said...

Zeek! Shame on you. That was butter.

11/30/2007 8:15 PM  
Blogger Selah said...

Oh good. Because what this blog really needs to generate hits is a reference to Marlon Brando and anal lube.

You got somethin' against Mr. Patinkin, Eva? I make Christmas cookies with his Broadway albums playing softly in the background, because I'm a huge GIRL like that. :p

Lynn~ "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

That's what I tell my children as I tuck them in at night. Keeps their expectations at a reasonable level, don'tcha know.

12/01/2007 9:43 AM  
Blogger Zeek said...

kate? Butter? really?? man I can't remember??? The googling is always for margarine!!

"Oh good. Because what this blog really needs to generate hits is a reference to Marlon Brando and anal lube"

Selah- post it, they will come!

And I'm telling you, that one spanking reference has gotten me all kinds of dirty google searches coming in ...

12/01/2007 2:35 PM  
Blogger Kate R said...

With all dead there's only one thing you can do--go through their pockets and look for loose change.

12/01/2007 10:21 PM  
Blogger Zeek said...

"Give us the gate key."

"Gate key? I Have no gate key."

"Fezzic, rip off his arms."

"Oh, you mean this gate key."

12/02/2007 3:43 PM  
Blogger Selah March said...

Inigo: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
Westley: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.

12/02/2007 5:51 PM  
Blogger Barbara Caridad Ferrer said...

Valerie: "Bye bye boys, have fun stormin' the castle! [pause] Think they have a chance?"

Max: "It would take a miracle."

12/02/2007 7:40 PM  
Blogger FerfeLaBat said...

I am completely lost. I think my brain fried itself Saturday and needs a reboot.

12/03/2007 6:57 PM  
Blogger Selah March said...

You don't know from Princess Bride, ferfe? INCONCEIVABLE.

12/05/2007 9:42 AM  

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