Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I saw Mommy maiming Santa Claus...

Okay, this is the deal: Christmas -- and, in fact, the entire 2006 Holiday Season -- tried to eat my face.

It was a bloody battle. I nearly surrendered when the fully-decorated tree fell down in the middle of the living room -- FOR THE SECOND TIME IN THREE DAYS -- an hour before my parents were due to arrive. I completed my shopping on the 24th, and my wrapping with literally moments to spare. The ham was overcooked, as were the green beans, because I was worried about the eggnog.

And that was just Round 1. Christmas with the inlaws in the wilds of Western Pennsylvania was Round 2, and if you’ve never driven six hours through the pouring rain in weekend traffic with three bickering children, a brewing migraine, and broken windshield wipers? I recommend it as a test of a mother’s love. Mine is in damned fine shape, as proven by the fact that all three spawn continue to breathe without the assistance of a tube.

And heaven bless patient editors. If I ever again undertake to meet two deadlines within days of Christmas? Well, never mind. It’ll never happen. I think my husband will see me buried under the house first.

“I don’t know, officer. She was here last night. Telling me about her brand new story that’s due on New Year’s Eve. Seemed real excited about it. Then -- poof. She was gone. Left her van, her clothes...even her purse. Don’t know where she went, but we sure will miss her. Eggnog? It’s really good. Yeah, she always did make great eggnog. Oh, mind the tree. It’s a little wobbly.” - Romance of Dubious Virtue


Blogger Eva Gale said...


*read it again*


1/10/2007 1:34 PM  
Blogger Emma Petersen said...

Bwhahahahaha! Man not one, but two deadlines! You are a brave, brave woman.

1/12/2007 4:03 AM  
Anonymous Barb said...

Brave = code for "IN-FUCKING-SANE"

1/12/2007 11:11 AM  
Blogger Selah March said...

Yeah. What Barb said.

1/12/2007 3:41 PM  
Blogger Eva Gale said...

The way I see it is that if you get the eggnog right no one will care about the rest of the meal.

I gave up on my tree. The cat was in it the whole time and I put away 1/3 the ornaments that originally went on it.

Almost was three deadlines, no?

1/12/2007 10:30 PM  
Anonymous Ally said...

Making the egg nog was fun wasn't it!? Nearly had an accident in my drawers a few times from laughing so much!

1/16/2007 12:48 PM  
Blogger Ally said...

.... and for the record the tree didn't look that bad after falling 3 times.

1/16/2007 12:51 PM  

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