Behold the Whiny Loser

I'm cold, I'm hot, I'm sweaty, and everything seems sort of out-of-focus, even when I remember to wear my glasses.

If you squozed me, bad oozy green stuff would shoot out every hole in my head.

And tick...tick...tick...the sound of a deadline approaching. Only three days away now -- the Amber Heat Wave Contest, which I'm determined to enter, even if my entry itself turns out to be incoherent, TheraFlu-overdose induced drivel.

At any moment, I expect my husband to threaten to hide my VICKS™ Sinex™ 12 Hour Nasal Spray if I don't stop hitting it like a crack pipe. Ha. Let him. Like any good addict, I keep a stash.

I'm looking forward to the moment when I hit "send" on this puppy and can indulge in a shot of the good stuff. That's right, you heard me: Original formula NyQuil™, complete with full alcohol content. The stuff of legend. Got a bottle with an unbroken seal in the back of the linen closet, just waitin' on me. Yeah, it's so far past its expiration date that it's probably toxic in full-dose form, but I'm not afraid.

Though I do wonder how much I could get for it on eBay...